21 Economic Models explained with cows...

Nos últimos dias, muito se tem bradado contra a nossa economia "capitalista", vociferando coisas como democracia directa (na esteira, talvez, de algum modelo albanês) e novos modelos económicos.

Antes de mais, diga-se que esses cidadãos indignados, que têm todo o direito a exprimir a sua opinião, tanto como eu, felizmente constituem uma franja marginal da população, como bem se viu nas últimas legislativas: PS+PSD+CDS (ou os alinhados com o "grande capital") receberam cerca de 80% dos votos. As medidas de austeridade geraram um grande consenso na sociedade portuguesa e, tendo sido sufragadas em eleições livres e democráticas há que, portanto, respeitar (mas, se vos faz feliz, berrem à vontade!). No entanto, eles continuam a clamar contra o capitalismo!

Mas se é para mudar de modelo económico, vamos lá então!

Ora, dizer capitalismo é o mesmo que dizer mercado - trata-se do sistema económico onde se procede à distribuição dos recursos existentes, de forma espontânea, pela interacção das pessoas em concorrência e liberdade; em alternativa a este modelo temos o socialismo, onde, entre muitas outras coisas, algumas bem desagradáveis, substitui-se a liberdade individual pela imposição do Estado. No meio disto, há todo um conjunto imenso de opções... E se o leitor se sente perdido, com esse infindável catálogo para modelos económicos, o Opinador ajuda:

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milka way…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have 2 cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want 3 cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide. You retire as a Millionaire.

A GERMAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION You have 2 cows.. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You worship them and continue eating curry rice.

A BRITISH CORPORATION You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have 2 cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

Direitos de Autor - desconhecidos

E pronto, agora é só escolher o modelo que mais gosta, compre um lençol, escreva lá meia dúzia de palavras de ordem, vá para a praça da sua freguesia e dedique-se a aborrecer o seu semelhante!

Quanto a movimentos de indignados e outros que tais, recomendamos esta leitura. Convém é notar que, ao contrário do que ali se passa, aqui a ala direita deste painel opinativo, não se meteu em manif's, nem então, nem agora, estando pois, que nem virgem impoluta!

Para quem esperava comentários ao OE2012, calma... Ainda temos que analisar o documento! Entretanto, hoje joga o Benfica, vejam a bola e deixem lá o Governo!